I had two friends.

March 4.

To Carlisle, surveying.

I had two friends.

The one offered me friendship on such terms that I could not accept it, without a sense of degradation.

He would not meet me on equal terms, but only be to some extent my patron.

He would not come to see me, but was hurt if I did not visit him.

He would not readily accept a favor, but would gladly confer one.

He treated me with ceremony occasionally, though he could be simple and downright sometimes; and from time to time acted a part, treating me as if I were a distinguished stranger; was on stilts, using made words.

Our relation was one long tragedy, yet I did not directly speak of it.

I do not believe in complaint, nor in explanation.

The whole is but too plain, alas, already.

We grieve that we do not love each other, that we cannot confide in each other.

I could not bring myself to speak, and so recognize an obstacle to our affection.


I had another friend, who, through a slight obtuseness, perchance, did not recognize a fact which the dignity of friendship would by no means allow me to descend so far as to speak of, and yet the inevitable effect of that ignorance was to hold us apart forever.


H. D. Thoreau, Journal, March 4, 1856

We grieve that we do not love each other. See e.g. January 21, 1852 ("I never realized so distinctly as this moment that I am peacefully parting company with the best friend I ever had,. . . Simply our paths diverge."); June 11, 1855 ("What if we feel a yearning to which no breast answers? I walk alone. My heart is full. Feelings impede the current of my thoughts. I knock on the earth but no friend appears, and perhaps none is dreaming of me"); March 28, 1856 ("Farewell, my friends, my path inclines to this side the mountain, yours to that."): February 8, 1857 ("And now another friendship is ended. I do not know what has made my friend doubt me, but I know that in love there is no mistake, and that every estrangement is well founded. . . . am perfectly sad at parting from you. I could better have the earth taken away from under my feet, than the thought of you from my mind. ")